I am called Rotarian Ruth Asiimwe Kanyaruju, I am a survivor of gender-based violence. My mother was married off at the age of 15 and she was staying with her mother and father in-law. The husband was working away from home and would come only on weekends. She was rejected by her mother in-law, when she rejected advances from her brothers in-law who wished to use her in the absence of her husband. She produced my half sister within the 1st year of her marriage, at the age of 15. She was totally rejected and sent away in humiliation. she left her child behind when she was barely one year old, when she returned to her parents’ home, she was considered a failure and useless. She was quickly “sold off” to my would be dad who was 40yrs older than her at a “small fee as she was considered 2nd hand“. The main reason why my dad married her was to produce boys since my step mother was producing only girls. I doubt whether there was any atom of love in that marriage. So when I was born a girl, that was the beginning of endless wars with my dad, and a catalyst of hatred and torture from my step mother who was way older than her. She was battered almost every night. She would often escape and sleep in the bush to run away from my drunken father who would pour all his frustration of failure to get a boy child from my mother as if she was the root cause. I remember vividly when we were sent outside the house late at night and we went and slept in the near by bush which was in a game reserve. An elephant came by and whisked away the bush we were hiding in and we were left in the open at the mercy of the elephant. We were very terrified and shivering from the cold of the night.
By the grace of God our lives were miraculously spared and I was barely 3 years old. This memory still lives on in my mind. When my mother got pregnant again she gave birth to another baby girl and that made it even worse. She tried to return back to her parents several times but she was always sent back to her husband because her parents had already used up the bride price and were not in position to return it.
After she was forcefully returned to her husband, she was bitterly battered and at some point she lost her 6 teeth at ago and that was the end of her marriage. As. Fate would have it, she was picked up by my Auntie who was then living in Kampala, the capital city of Uganda. My mother then was barely 20yrs of age she later fell in love with another man. they had 2 boys together but her happiness in her new marriage was cut short when her husband was killed in 1973 by firing squad after being accused of treason by President Idi Amin. I was barely 9 years old when our Auntie took us in and provided a roof over our heads in one of the ghettos in Kampala called Mengo Kisenyi.
My mother did all kinds of odd jobs to put food on our table and pay my school fees in the nearby school called Nakivubo Primary School.
I excelled in school and I was number 3 in the whole country during our national exams and got a scholarship to Gayaza High School, one of the prestigious schools in Uganda.
War broke out that ousted President Idi Amin. All our property was looted and my mother’s business was utterly destroyed. So my mother relocated to the village to take refuse.
A narrow escape from defilement
In 1980 my mother asked her cousin brother, a 3rd year student at the university, to pick me up from school and send me to her in the village for my holidays. He took me to his hall of residence called North Court and tried to take advantage of me. I struggled and freed myself from his grip and ran out of his room down to the quadrangle. My screams and cries attracted all the students from their rooms and surrounded me while gearing at me and hurling all sorts of insults at me calling me a whore and other terrible names. I was rescued by the hall warden. The stigma and emotional trauma affected my self esteem and performance in school. I did not make it back to Gayaza High School for my A-level but ended up up at my 2nd choice which was Makerere College School. While in the high school my mother fell sick with heart related issues that were largely as a result of what she had gone through and losing her property. She was admitted in different hospitals. I did different chores in school for my fellow students in order to support my mother in the hospital and take care of my siblings. My mother passed away when I was in my senior six vacation but by God’s grace I was able to pass and go to the university. I graduated as an Economist and got a job in the then Uganda Commercial Bank. I feared men all my life. I had to get professional counselling to overcome the fear of men. I finally got married to a loving man, Dr. K.V. Kanyaruju in 1989.
By the help of my husband, we started supporting victims of gender based violence, giving them hope where there was no hope for them.
Our home became a home of many victims/survivors of GBV and vulnerable children. We would use our little income to take bright children back to formal school. We would take others for life skills after which we would help them get jobs through our social networks. Both my husband and I were Rotarians.
Beneficiaries include:
24 graduates; 2 Civil Engineers, I Architect, 5 Economists, 7 Accountants, 5 IT specialists, 1 Environment Engineer, 2 Human Resource and 2 Nurses.
Over 200 were skilled; including 46 drivers, 84 diploma and certificate teachers, 28 plumbers, 58 welders, among others.
APPEAL
I am now retired, suffering from auto body immune, hypertension and peripheral neuropathy. My resources have dwindled and have lost my long supporting friend and love of my life, Dr Kanyaruju, who died in June 2021.
Now I need assistance and support to continue supporting the increasing victims of gender based violence. Currently I take only very brilliant children who have passed with high grades but are out of school due to lack of school fees. Hopefully when they finish, they can become responsible people to support others. However, there are still many languishing out there who desperately need support and deserve a better future.
Therefore, if Hope Again Community Empowerment Initiative can be supported, we can make their dream come true and together we minimize the impact of GBV.